Trystin' Tristan
by Tux mux
Summary: Tryst (noun): A date; a secret rendezvous (especially between lovers). Can also be a verb, as in to have such a meeting. ---True TuxMux quality!---


_Dedicated to **The TuxMux Fan.** You inspired when no one else did. I wrote this just for you, man. Hopefully you will get all the inside jokes here, as they are all taken from other TuxMux tales._

**Tryst.** _Noun. _A date; a secret rendezvous (especially between lovers). Can also be a verb, as in such a meeting.

**Trystn' Tristan **

Tristan Taylor was out taking a walk one day, with his wonderful pointy hair not blowing in the wind. I mean, the guy must use so much gel that wind-blowing is not even a _possibility_. It just so happened that, coming up the path the other way, was a lovely young woman with not-naturally-blonde hair and beautiful blue contacts. She was actually brown/brown in real life, but for the purposes of fanfiction she'd prettied herself up a bit. After all, she had a plan to snag that sexy hunk with decidedly non-windblown hair. She walked up to him, with a sexy sway in her hips that betrayed her thong beneath her denim miniskirt. Tristan noticed this but thought it better not to say anything. She looked him straight in the eyes and asked, "Hey, baby, would you like to tryst with me?"

Tristan was out taking a walk one day, with his wonderful pointy hair not blowing in the wind. I mean, the guy must use so much gel that wind-blowing is not even a . It just so happened that, coming up the path the other way, was a lovely young woman with not-naturally-blonde hair and beautiful blue contacts. She was actually brown/brown in real life, but for the purposes of fanfiction she'd prettied herself up a bit. After all, she had a plan to snag that sexy hunk with decidedly non-windblown hair. She walked up to him, with a sexy sway in her hips that betrayed her thong beneath her denim miniskirt. Tristan noticed this but thought it better not to say anything. She looked him straight in the eyes and asked, "Hey, baby, would you like to tryst with me?" 

He swallowed. "Um… could you maybe tell me who you are before I decide whether or not to Tristan you?"

She smiled seductively. "You wanna know my name? Well, most people call me Mary-Sue. But you," she said sexily, putting a finger under his chin, "You should call me Mary." Tristan nodded, and she lowered her finger.

"So… Mary," Tristan tried to make conversation with the woman as she dragged him towards the woods. "Where exactly are we going? Can't we just Tristan each other out here?"

"Oh no, darling," she purred, "We need to be in a … _special_ place to tryst." She led him to a quiet clearing in the middle of the woods, which oddly enough could be mistaken for Joey's favorite camping spot. Especially with that little brook right there. But it really wasn't. Mary-Sue sat down on a nearby smooth rock, crossing her legs to show even more of her thigh. She beckoned Tristan to her, and soon they were, um, _trysting_. Which for our purposes can be interpreted as heavy kissing.

Tristan and Mary were having a lot of fun kissing and all, but of course _Someone_ always has to spoil everything fun that ever happens. And no, it isn't Tea. Who do you suppose came barging through the bushes but Joey, camping gear in tow, with his typical catchphrase, "I'm Joey Wheelah, an' I'm gonna beat y" He stopped not only in his tracks, but mid-sentence as he took in the cruel, cruel sight before him. Tristan was oh my Tristan stop that! STOP IT!

The author pressed the little "rewind" button on the mouse until both Tristan and Mary-Sue were in a fully-clothed state, just kissing. And… crap, now Joey's gone. Author pressed the "pause" button on the Tristan-and-Mary remote, and the "fast-forward" button on the Joey remote. The two lovebirds froze, and Joey moved speedily into view, reciting his "I'm-Joey-Wheelah-and-I'm-gonna" in that really fast, high-pitched voice you get when you play tapes at double-speed. Author hits "play" on both remotes. Story resumes.

Joey was just finishing his "… an' I'm gonna beat y" He stopped not only in his tracks, but mid-sentence as he took in the cruel, cruel sight before him. Tristan was kissing Mary, just kissing her, and that's it. But it was enough to make Joey break down in tears. Or at least make his face twitch a little. "Tris, Tris, whadda ya mean by this! Tristan, you're… _STRAIGHT_?" Joey was stupefied.

Tristan stopped kissing for a bit to turn around and face his friend. "Nah, Joe, what are you talkin' about? I'm not straight. I'm… _pointy_!"

Mary-Sue snorted, flicking her green boogers all over Joey, then added, "Yeah, Tristan sure _has a point_ there!" He and Mary had a good laugh over that, before starting to kiss yet again. But behind them, Joey's ire was building.

Or perhaps I should say that behind Joey, Joey's ire was building. Or that in Joey's behind, his ire was building… Well, whatever it was, something was definitely starting to build back there. And Joey could feel it. And he knew just what to do to make it reach critical pressure. "Ooooh, you guys have forced me to do something I really don't want to do! Well, maybe I do want to do it," he thought to himself as he dug through his purs- AHEM- I mean knapsack. That looked suspiciously like a purse. But it wasn't. It was a manly handbag. So Joey searched through his manly handbag, until finally he found what he was looking for… a can of beans and a can opener! "Mwahahaha, smell my wrath! He proclaimed as he stuck the can opener to the can and proceeded to open it. He held the can up to his lips, and began to chug the beans directly from the can.

Or at least he would have, if he hadn't grabbed one of those damn cans of beans that don't have any beans in them, even though they're not even open yet they don't have any beans in them anyway. "Oh. Well I thought it was a little light for a can of beans. I'll just open another." And sure enough, this next can did indeed have beans in it. And this one he did chug down, breaking all records for bean-chugging by finishing the whole can in 14.02 seconds. A/N: Do **_not_** try this at home. Yuck. Of course, now there was no place for those beans to go but out. Joey farted with the most pleasing sound yet, because it was the sound… of Revenge.

As soon as the turd-smelling waves had eked their way over to Tristan and Mary, the girl passed out from the noxious gasses. But not Tristan. Tristan was scared. So scared that he did what he always does when he's scared by Joey's fart-clouds covering the earth. He lit a match. The world exploded, as per usual, incinerating Mary-Sue and leaving no trace of her. Joey ran up to the shocked Tristan, who was staring silently at his still-smoking match. Joey could barely make out the whispers from his friend. "Mary… Mary… what have I done…"

Joey gave him a hug, and tried to comfort him. "Tris, its okay, it's not your fault. I did it. I'm the one who killed her." He hugged tighter, but Tristan shrugged away. "No," Tristan whispered, "I don't care about killing her. It's just II" He couldn't stand it anymore. "I _kissed _her, dammit! Why the hell did I have to go and kiss a _girl_? They're so yucky! You're the only one I want, Joe." And so Tristan kissed Joey, and Joey kissed Tristan. And they went as far as they wanted.

And that is how Joey Wheeler saved Tristan Taylor from the terrible Mary-Sue.

THE END.


End file.
